Meet chimie my car!

I haven't introduce my car to you guys yet...
Well, her name is Chimie (short for kotCHI ni jaMIE). It's a black Suzuki WagonR with pink and white seat cover that I requested. Chimie is a graduation gift of my mom and dad to me... because I completed college without failing grades and imagine, finishing it for just like 3 yrs with by-lines in different newspapers... Don't be amazed! That's a W-O-W!

Here's what it looks like... 

Mine is really like this but she has a skirt (it's dressed up when it's bought!)

love, now and always, 

Ode to the Nice Girls

This rant was written because a nice girl finally snapped. 

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and *beep* up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it. 

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend. 

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a *beep* than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep. 

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys. 

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it. 

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in *beep*'s clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race. 

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

love, now and always, 

Thoughts...

I wish I could pause everything. I wish I could put my life on hold, just for a second. I wish I freeze my tears for a little while. I wish I could put emotions on layaway until I know how to handle them.

There’s a difference between, “You can’t have it. So the only other choice I have is to close my eyes, and runaway. Bend down to my knees and just pray. Be thankful for what I have this very day. And for everything I’ve been blessed to say. Because all of that brought me to you Depend on no one because in life there’s a road you take. And one day, that road splits in two. At the end of each road is success, or failure. This isn’t a “guessing game,” it’s a, “You’re the only one that can choose your destiny.” By depending on no one, you make your own decision on you’re life. So choose wisely because either way, there’s no one to blame around you.

Why is it that guys are never say they’re scared? Why is it, that deep inside, they’re weaker than girls? But, why do you girls actually admit they‘re afraid? How come guys want to always act tough? Why won’t they let their selves go and why is it that when girls just want to hang out with them, they get annoyed? How come girls mature faster than guys? And why don’t boys ever take anything seriously? Why won’t guys admit they like you? Even if they know you like them… How come guys are so simple? And why is a girl so detailed? Why is it when they kiss, a girl takes an hour to tell the story? When a guy just takes a minute… Are guys afraid a rejection? Because girls are too! And why is it that guys want to lead the pack? Why do they always want to take charge? …The answer is as simple as three words…They're expected to. Crying about things… Will not scare the pain away.

People throw the word, “Love,” around… As if it means nothing… Well newsflash everyone… To me it means something I challenge you… I challenge you to put yourself in my life. I challenge you to fall in love with someone, and to experience getting your heart broken. I challenge you to deal with your emotions when you find out that the love of your life, sees right through you, like some ghost. I challenge you to put yourself in my shoes, just for one day…so that you’ll realize how much I go through the rest of the 364 days of the year. So if you’re up to the challenge, try to do what I do, so that in the end, we’ll see who’s strong.

Her mom didn’t understand Her dad was always at work Siblings lived miles away So naturally she was always hurt She cried herself to sleep each night Convinced herself she was wrong To everyone that didn’t take the time In the end she turned out strong *

Flashback; Turn back in time where you used to sit 4 hours watching the Rugrats. Where you wouldn’t ever leave your house without your nano baby, and when Blues Clues was actually challenging. Rewind back to the times when your favorite shows were Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!, and Rocko’s modern Life. When you watched re-runs of TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World. When you remember reading every series of Goosebumps, or in that case, remember listening to your mom read them as she grew bored and bored and as you grew more excited as to what would happen next. When bringing plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school was pretty much cool, and saying “NOT,” after every sentence was the way to talk. When every argument was settled by rock paper scissors, bubble gum bubble gum in a dish, or daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky. When cops and robbers was a daily activity, and when hide and go seek was put to pause only when it was snack time. The days when we used to actually obey our parents and when the radio was all we depended on for music. When you knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together. When you always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny…so you gave up. When the Magic School Bus made you think that school buses could fly, and when yo-yos made you popular. When getting married meant buying your crush a Ring Pop, and blabbing some random words behind the dumpster. When reading that little paper in the fortune cookie meant everything to you because it predicted your life. The days when you could tell furbie all your little secrets and expect him to talk back, and when Beanie Babies were the talk of the class. When you got creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" And when you knew the Macarena by heart. When you lied to your parents to bring you to McDonalds because you were starving, when really, you wanted to play in the play place. When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing, and when checking out drawing books and "Rainbow Fish" from the library was the cool thing to do. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear we didn’t bother to think of how good things were. Flashback…to the world we live in now.

No school book will ever teach you how to love yourself, no teacher will ever tell you how to heal, and no class can help you learn how to brush yourself off and try again. Life changes on a daily basis. Every minute every hour. Still, we try to save it. And she falls down trying. Yeah she falls down crying. It’s hard to grow up in a society where you will never be the pretty girl. Everyone seems to have everything you don't. & dreams are always one cloud away from where you are. I was flipping through an old school notebook of mine, but I shut it, threw it against the wall, & cried. Every page had a heart scrawled next to the name of a boy who lied. knowing is better than wondering, waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, beats the heck out of never trying "Because things change and friends leave, life doesn't stop for anybody." just because somebody flirts with you, doesn't mean they like you. Just because somebody likes you, doesn't mean they want to go out with you. Just because somebody wants to go out with you, doesn't mean they love you. Just because somebody loves you, doesn't mean they won't hurt you. Because people lie, things change. Boyfriends cheat, best friends ditch. And there are always going to be those people who would kill to see you fall

Zack: OW! Papercut! Kiss it Mr. Moseby?

Mr. Moseby: You can't even see it.

Zack: You can't see a broken heart either, but it still hurts

. -The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

Here's a tip for all the guys; if you don't think she loves you anymore, ask her, you might be wrong. That’s why its called "falling in love" cuz you don't force yourself to fall, you just do.

Most people don't know who they are - that's why they lie. They’re afraid someone else will figure it out before they do. - One tree hill

Live every moment, love every day, `cause before you know it, precious time slips away

It's funny. I didn't even like you all that much, but I find myself missing your arms around me, & the little kisses on my forehead, & just sharing your body heat when we would hug. I miss feeling appreciated & wanted. I miss that little bit of comfort. They sat together, as just friends.

11:11 rolled around; someone yelled, "Make a wish." They wished for each other.

Just because I haven’t talked to you in so long, doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. Anyone can give up. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength. It’s like a routine. I fall for you on Monday. I like you Tuesday-Thursday. You make me mad on Friday. I think about you all weekend. But the second I see you again on Monday, I fall all over again.

"Get over him." yeah okay. Trust me, if I could, I would. It may be hard, and it may seem wrong, but sometimes you have to forget about the guy who forgot about you. It’s so sad. We used to laugh and talk together. Now we pass each other in the hall and don’t even look at each other. Its like were strangers that never met. Love and hate. Two small words that can crush your world. You may not end up where you thought you’d be, but you'll end up right where you’re meant to be.

&& telling everyone we're just friends is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Sometimes, we expect too much. The key is to just expect nothing. && that one time when you’re not all caught up in thinking about what you want to happen, it will. My head is saying who cares about him, but my heart is saying you do dumb butt I tell everyone that you’re stupid and that you aren’t worth liking. && I hope that if I say it enough, I might believe it. Forgiveness is such a simple word, but it’s so hard to do when you’ve been hurt. You’re single. Make the best of it. It doesn’t mean your not good enough for anyone, it means no one is good enough for you. Smile, let everyone know that today, your alit stronger than you were yesterday.

I'm so sick of immaturity, of name calling, of labels, of gossip, of High school. It doesn't make sense any more. & I find myself being nice to people that I rather kill.

Do you know what it feels like to have everyone know something about you that no one was suppose to know? You give someone a piece of you and all they do is run and tell everyone.

There’s only so many times a girl can be disappointed before she gives up trying. Only so many times a girl can get her heart broken before she gives up loving. Only so many times a girl can get hurt before she starts crying. Some things are just made to happen more than once. She glances in the mirror and throws her hair up, ripped jeans, and an old hoodie. There all she needs. She runs out the door five minutes before class starts, and arrives just as the bell rings. Cheeks flushed. She doesn’t try that hard at school. And she plays sports simply because she likes to run. Her rooms a mess and her cell phones always dead. But she just smiles; she knows the world is hers. She has her enemies, she’s made her mistakes, and she knows it. But she doesn’t care. She’s happy with who she is and who she has, because that’s all she needs.

After a while you realize you need to stop getting mad and just expect the lowest from the people you thought the highest of.

I don’t understand why god would let us meet, if there was no way we could ever be together. ---city of angels.

Have you ever noticed that there’s always that particular line in a song that stands out and reminds you of that one person you can’t forget. So let me get this straight. you were leading me on, using me, keeping me waiting for something that wasn’t there, letting me get my hopes up, acting like you cared, and allowing me to start liking you more and more because you didn’t wanna hurt me? Yea rite "There's no use in crying; it won't change anything." - Drake Stephen

Math is emo; because well no one understands it.

Out of all your lies, I love you was my favorite.

If you want to know where your heart is look where your mind wanders.

You know it's meant to be when even at the times you can't stand him, he's still the only person on your mind.

Nobody takes a picture of something they want to forget.

I'm at a point in my life that if I were underwater, I doubt I'd kick to come to the top Music... easier way out from pain.

& she feels like she was lied to; like that warning in the rearview mirror that says- "Objects are closer than they appear." She thinks she needs a sign taped to her heart- "Caution: Much more broken than I seem."

Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon. Be careful who you tell your problems to, 80% of them don't care, and the other 20% are glad you have them look between the lines, read between the words because the most important things are left unsaid and unheard.

Life is full of secrets and lies, so when you get screwed over don't be surprised.

I’d walk through hell in a gasoline suit; just to see you.

[Stop] pretending like you love me, Stop pretending like you care Stop pretending like I mean something Because you've never been there.

Never play hard to get with a man who's hard to get.

I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice. Always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you a huge part of my life, wasting time on you, depending on you, thinking about you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, changing for you. And most of all, for not hating you

I wanted you to fight for me, I wanted you to say that there was no one you'd rather be with, and I wanted you to say that you wanted me. But you don’t always get what you want, do you?

I lied to him; straight to his face. I couldn't bare to tell him that he is the only thing I need and that I love him with all of my heart.

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

I ended up a has been, but I was once an ARE.

I was ridiculed by others because I followed my own star.

I could have been, a might have been, or a would have been by far.

Though I ended up a has been, at least I was once and ARE.

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.

Deal with it and move on

OUR friendship may never be perfect, but I hope it would last forever...

love, now and always,