Through the heart of my Brother: Men’s way to recover from the heartbreak of a breakup

When my brother broke up with his very first girlfriend[for two years, take note they dated for almost a year before being official], I never thought that he would move on easily. After that bitch broke up with him, that bitch just jumped off and connected to a new boyfriend... like a connecting flight to Narita. Even worst, the bitch's new boyfriend is a friend of my brother that constantly cheats on him during prelim, midterm and final exams. 

After breakups, there is a three month rule that goes with it. It's an agreement where both parties can't jump to someone else right away. My brother's ex didn't follow the  three month rule. That's why I know it's very painful, suicidal and will take him ages to move on.

But his recovery was fast. Totally unbelievable. I know the support of our family, his friends and everyone who cares helped him. But, still, it's himself that helped and dragged him out in despair. 

What are his ways? His secrets? 

DAY 1: 

ACCEPTANCE

When the bitch already told him that she's already got a new boyfriend, my brother accepted it. He cried but he didn't beg the girl to stay nor told the girl to leave to the new one.... even if my brother feels his ex still loves him __%. 

ERASE

After accepting it, he collected everything she gave him: gifts, letters, stuff toys, etc. and burned it. At first, I would rather want him to ask someone deliver it to the exes' doorstep or donate it to some orphanage. But I realized why should my brother give concern to her things. He also eliminated the ex in his life: deleting her in his contact, facebook, etc. He even changed his sim card. Out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes. 

[Ignoring her won't hurt. There is a subliminal message behind ignoring the ex and it is I'm over you, and you hold no power over me.]

CRY

My brother was shocked at first so he didn't cry that much. But when it really came into his senses, he cried his heart out... no matter who is in front of him, no matter where place he is... that helped him and lighted his heart. 

DAY 2:

SESSIONS

After crying, he got himself busy by talking to friends and family, side by side are beers and  cigarette sticks. Talking it out with people is good.. even with victims and other people with deep problems. It helps them let out the pain. The advices and care of family and friends also reminds that a lot of people loves him and a reminder that he is worthy as an individual. 

DAY 3:

DIVERT

Everyone already knows. He doesn't cry anymore. I know he still thinks about it but not in the emo way. I observed also that he develops new hobbies. He's been singing a lot, composing poems and songs and started learning guitar. 

HEALTH

He also started lessening the portions of his meals... I smell revenge. But let's just see it for health reasons. Some pounds lesser will totally be nice in his face.

DAY 4, 5, and so on...

After three days, I know there's still a button there that can turn on his EMO mode anytime... but I know it will be lighter.  

My brother is back on track after three days... Five days after, he is ready to love again. But wait... He is honoring the three months rule not like the B-I-T-C-H. 

No matter how much my brother want to court the girl--THE ONE he realized he loved and always love all these years, he is still honoring the three month rule.  Love takes time as he says... same rules, different lovers... BUT this time it's REAL.

So in simple words, Men recover from heartbreaks the time when their heart beats again.  

love, now and always, 

Dealing with a Broken [MEN’s] Heart and Break up Recovery

I don’t usually post Men stuff at zupermia.com. But ever since my brother broke up with his [bitch] ex girlfriend, I’d like to share how he nursed his broken heart... which I know would be of help for other members of the men’s tribe, going through the same phase. Witnessing him go over this heartache first hand was like taking a bullet for us—his family, relatives, friends, and everyone that believed in their relationship.

Dealing with a broken heart, for both the female and male specie, is hard. Women heal broken hearts different than men. Usually for us, we can go on a whole day shopping, venture into a new hobby, make over ourselves, and pig-out with chocolates and chips to easily move on—and it always gives positive result to lady’s crying heart. For men, it’s a different story…especially, when it lasted for years and the guy thought it was really really true.

For hundreds of centuries, it was written and believed that men are greater than women: strength, power, intelligence, courage. But there’s also a saying that, “Behind The Downfall Of Every Man Is A Woman”.  

Most of the books published were for Woman’s healing. How come there aren’t books for men’s healing [if there are, how come I haven’t come across one]? Could it be because people [from hundreds of centuries ago] think that Men are made of iron and steel… unbreakable? Not in this age, men have become emotional, sensitive and soft-hearted.

Male, actually, suffer greater than their female counterparts when it comes to break-ups. Most of the time, guys keep the ache all by themselves, not like girls… we open up, cry our heart out and do out little sweet revenge[in different ways: make over, making sure the next bf is extra hot than the later].

How can a guy get over a breakup? In my brother’s case, what are the things he did to accept the breakup? What are his ways and new found hobby to forget the pain? What is his formula of control to avoid getting delusional and getting back with his ex[when obviously she already moved on]? 

Watch out for my post tomorrow: Through the heart of my Brother: Men’s way to recover from the heartbreak of a breakup

love, now and always, 

Love Changes You

In life, you don’t need to explain how much you love the person. It depends on them how they appreciate the efforts that you do for them to be contented. But what if it isn’t enough for him/her? Will you still be bother looking for the same person who never took the trouble to love you, the way you wanted him/her to move?

Contentment is not always the fulfilment of what you want. It’s the realization of how blessed you are for what you already have. When it comes to love don’t make any compromises, because you don’t know what next that would only make sense for the both of you. And better things left unsaid, for it is where everyone won’t get hurt and will be at peace.

It was a story of a guy who spend his life nothing but only with his friends around him. And met this pretty lady, that turns his normal life into an extraordinary one, but suddenly she breaks and turn again these guy’s extraordinary back to normal. As what normally happens with a two person romantically introduced, spend time to get to know each other, until their little sweet conversation turns into something sweeter than friends. Then they compromise with each other, things between them turns into higher level of love. And suddenly turns into complication.

All we have to do is understand that we’re all here for a reason and to commit ourselves to that. Then we can laugh at our sufferings, large and small, walk fearlessly aware that each step has a meaning. Things happen because we choose to. There may be regrets but blaming is not an option. We are where we are, because we brought ourselves to that. We get happy, we get sad, but most importantly, we learned.

Love conquers all, they say. So they try to fix their complication, and each day he tries and his way back is getting harder. He thinks of giving up, because he runs out of reasons to stay. He knows he needs to stop and let go. Then things turned back again, he win his girl’s love… But, this girl is still looking for something she can’t find with this guy, so she looks around.

The person you love the most has the best capacity to make you feel the happiest person in the world and may give you the worst feeling you can’t ever imagine. One very hard thing in life is when you know inside your heart that you love the person but you run out of reasons to fight for what you feel.

And love without knowledge wouldn’t be enough to have a long-lasting relationship, so the guy decided to let go his beloved girl. After 2 years of sweetness and 3 years of complication, he figured, his love wasn’t really meant for the girl he chooses to love. You can’t measure the love, the way you can measure the height of a building.

Love will just tire you down, until nothing is left with you. And will change you, until there is nothing left of the person you used to be. We have to live by our own rules, but if you fall in love and let it into your heart, then you have to live by his/her rules. You have to give up, control over your life for his/her. First, he will change the little things. Second your stuffs, clothes, and friends. And third, still it’s not enough. That is the reality, a sad reality, because we know nothing what true love is… Two people with a wrong mind set of love enters into a relationship, is a chaos. And I will show you the most excellent way…. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. 1 John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us.”

love, now and always,

 

The story that ended happily

Yesterday, I saw my ex- fiancé. Yes, the one that I planned my whole life with two years ago.

To be exact, we broke up January 31, 2008. It was a really bad breakup. I have to say that if our story was a movie—it would win all possible dramatic awards and of course, I’d be the best actress of all time.

If I remembered it correctly, I cried every single day after we broke up and I only stopped in the middle of March. When I say every single day, I really mean everyday... Not a day would pass without weeping over him. Here’s a trivial: I used to have this film canister where I store all my tears for him and wish that by the time I already filled the canister, I’m done crying. But halfway full the canister, I stopped. Thank God.

I remember writing a future letter to him @ futureme.org that will be sent 5 years from the date of our break up. The letter wasn’t anything cheesy. It was actually telling him to look for me and to be friends with me after all. But only 2 years passed and we are ok.

I’m even glad now that I experienced that kind of pain.

So… I saw my ex fiancé. I thought it would still hurt or it would like strum a string in my heart but it did not. I have finally moved on. I am finally free.

We had a lil catching up. He asked a lot of things about me and I answered all of it.

Perhaps, he was worried. Maybe, he still feels guilty about the break up.

Here are our random chat:

Your hair’s still long…
If you only knew I cut it really short.

You still write…
Yes and this is serious writing. I bid freelance goodbye.

You wear higher heels now…
That makes me taller than you. c",)

You have a boyfriend…
I don’t but there’s someone that’s trying to change my status.

I didn’t ask too much about him. All I asked was how’s he doing and how his parents are and I'm grateful they are all okay. I didn’t bother to ask a lot of things: One, I’m not interested and two, I don’t want to send a wrong signal.

Really, time heals all wounds. Two years ago isn’t a very long time and I’m healed. Your heart might be breaking right now, but always see the little light that shines around you.

Hold on tight, it will be one hell of a journey. There will be a lot of pain, crying, heartaches, learnings….

Remember to never give up because the story isn’t over yet.

And if you ever feel like giving up... just think about this...

Don’t you want to see your story ending happily?

love, now and always,

La la love!

Facts about L.O.V.E :)) <3 (from someone else's blog)

1. A man won't let go if he really loves you.

Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.


2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.

There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you. Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.


3. Do not get hang up on your past.

Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare. He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn't guard him enough or you didn't make him happy
enough.


4. Do not look into images.

How many times have you met a girl who didn't have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Do not fear men just because your "supposedly" perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.


5. Always have your own set of rules.

Set your limits on how far you'd go for a guy. It's perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it's worth it. And it's worth it if the guy is treating you right.


6. Do not be scared to lose him.

Don't be scared that he'll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.


7. Avoid calling your guy.

It's a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it's the guy who's calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More so, he will get annoyed. But it's a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).


8. There is a guy who will value you.

There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don't lose hope. Don't settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can

Also, do not believe him when he says it's just the way he really is. He's not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.


9. Always be the only one, no matter what.

Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife, girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can't get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can't leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.


10. He must respect you.

No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.


11. If he fooled you, end it.

Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.


12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.

Do not steal another girl's man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.


13. Do not force yourself into a relationship.

Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn't come yet. Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc.. If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.


14. Do not settle.

If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be. Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.


15. A relationship has to have love.

Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me, keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.


16. Don't be afraid to be single.

It's fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.


17. Be a good girl.

Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person (of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years). If you compare your flings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.


18. Love without limits.

Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn't give your all, you get hurt for nothing.


19. You will get over him.

Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.


20. Be the one.

Act like you are the one. Don't be a nagger. Don't hinder his gimmicks. Don't give in to him too easily. Make him treat you as important. Don't be easy. Don't be like every other girl he had in his life.

love, now and always,