The Dessert

I woke up in the middle of NOTHING. 

No trees, houses. 

No birds flying up the blue sky.

I looked above and I realized that what I'm seeing is not anything I've seen before... It's not the sky I've known that comes in all shades of blue. This one is like a blank vast space.

No star to conquer. No moon and sun chasing each other wishing to be together but never really meet.

Nothing. Empty.

And with nothing to see from the sky, I examined around, the only thing that differentiates this from the blank sky is that in the sky nothing is there but on the ground I am HERE.

I shouted all the words I know that means "anybody there?". Nothing. No echo. Nothing that assured me that something's or someone's there. 

I think I given up before I lost sanity.

I accepted what will never be there. No one will be here. I'm alone. It maybe nothing and it may feel so empty... But at the least, I should be happy I'M STILL HERE. 

waiting for my star to fall,  
 Mia      

The Same Sky

This is a touchy-sad-happy story. So before reading this story, make sure to get yourself a box of Kleenex® or maybe not.

When I was little, my mother always joins my father at work. To all people who don’t know yet, my father is a seafarer. He, ever since I can remember, works on an oil shipping company that I think delivers oils to different parts of the world: Asia, Europe, America, Dubai, etc. and whenever he joins the ship, months after, my Mom will follow him there. I often wonder why she would leave us for my Dad when there’s such thing like mother’s unconditional love…

I used to be a brat about this and always hate her for leaving us because for me it felt like she would rather be there: travel countries after countries than take care of us, than teach us, than do stuff like regular Moms do for their children.

I also remember that every time she would leave she would buy us really cool stuff like things we always want to have and been dreaming off to posses. It feels happy to get things we want but in exchange for your mother? Would you rather get it? But do I have a choice back then? I don’t have and I need to pretend to enjoy those stuffs and things she bought.

One night before her flight to somewhere I can’t remember to join Dad, she told me something that I still remember and do from time to time. We were seating next to each other on our swing that night, under the Mango trees, beneath the stars… I don’t know why we were there and even the whole topic we are talking about. But there was one thing I always remember and it was when she told me that if I ever feel like missing her, if I ever want her beside me and if I need her when she can’t be with me, all that I have to do is to look at the stars and the sky and remember that no matter how far She is or how far I maybe, we are under the same sky, looking at it and sitting next to each other.

Now that I’m far away… here are the stars, here is the sky. I’m looking at it. I miss her so MUCH.

Love, now and always,

Mia        

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mia always dreamt of becoming 5'8" or higher that goes with the reason why she wears higher platforms. She wears lighter makeup these days because her MAN is particular with INNER beauty. She's the same old shopaholic you now, splurging over stuffs that a part goes to charity. Today, she is not writing blogs and promos anymore. She ventured into marketing... selling souls to the devil. And oh wait, on her spare time, she writes short stories of love with tragic ending. Some of her published works are "Cries, Cameras and Actions", "8 folds", "The Boat", "All for Carlie", "Ragnarok Online Love Story" and "Resume of Lovers". 

To Write What's Left

It used to go this way... when I started writing about it and finished it, I'm over it.
I'm done and not looking back. It's like a developed film that I can look over and over... a memory. But it will never again happen. It's like a harry potter movie, that's it and nothing comes next. Like a fairytale, no matter how it ends, just ends. Like a story that when it's published, it will only be achived for reference.Like a running wind, it will never come back.

Now, I want to write it so that it would go away. But whenever I touch a pen, it writes nothing. I tried to look for words but when my mind starts to think, the memories goes back, as if all was happening again... like a song's refrain playing over and over.

Like a thief in the middle of the night to make it even more bleed.

Love, now and always,

Mia        

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mia always dreamt of becoming 5'8" or higher that goes with the reason why she wears higher platforms. She wears lighter makeup these days because her MAN is particular with INNER beauty. She's the same old shopaholic you now, splurging over stuffs that a part goes to charity. Today, she is not writing blogs and promos anymore. She ventured into marketing... selling souls to the devil. And oh wait, on her spare time, she writes short stories of love with tragic ending. Some of her published works are "Cries, Cameras and Actions", "8 folds", "The Boat", "All for Carlie", "Ragnarok Online Love Story" and "Resume of Lovers". 

Five love stories: Lost, Never Found

I was rushing to Manila that day. I’m not this type of person... everything for me is planned, 3 days or a week advanced. Silly me for not being able to prepare much for this day... Perhaps, I never wanted this day to come.

Aside from the fact that I would be having a goodbye party with the small office friends I have, It is also the day that I would be giving back C’s stuff… these are the things that he gave me in the short span of our relationship.

Crappy lil material things that were “ONCE” the sweetest gifts I ever received. I was supposed to mail a black ring, a Starbucks phone chain and the beads bracelet he left at my car in one of our meetings. For the value of money, I decided to include the book I bought for him when we are still together… in the mail!

The Book? Yes, a book by Ricky Lee… The book is titled, “Para Kay B”… bought it because I wanted to alter it to “Para Kay Babe”. It was a popular book but I never thought that it was popular when I saw it in the bookstore… I only browsed the pages and thought these are FIVE cool love stories but, now, that I already read it—it’s some of the rare love stories with sad and tragic. How C and mine’s love end. Too sad, too tragic, truly meant to be.

So I planned to ship the book with the gifts to his house… but something happened. I thought that before the party I would be able to pass by LBC or DHL or FeDex but I didn’t have enough time for it since I was really rushing. I decided to go straight to the party and just ship it on another date.

That’s the plan but that wouldn’t happen anymore… In the party, I left my bag and the small orange plastic bag with the package… I was drinking chatting with my friends with this package near my bag 10 inches away from me. I’m not even drunk that time. When Cinderella’s time struck that I have to go home, I was looking for the small orange plastic bag and it was gone… My bag is still there but the orange plastic thingy is gone. I asked my friends if they saw it and none of them saw… I tried to look for it but it was gone.

Maybe an angel snatched it to make me realized that everything is gone… the end… fin. Now, somewhere, here, still hurts and aches. At times, I still want to cry but there are no more tears. I already changed numbers but, everyday, I still insert that SIMcard wait for 5 minutes for anything but nothing is received.    

To that angel who got that package, you can give it to him (it’s a package... his address is well written there), keep it or throw it away. It’s up to your hands now…

But for me, it’s gone, lost and will never be found. 

Love, now and always,

Mia        

LI.......................FE!

Every time a man comes into my life, the only thing that I ask God is to stop anything between us as soon as possible, if this man is not the right one for me. For quite some time, God has been doing a good-great job with what I'm asking him. 

I'm actually starting to lose hope that God will send the right one: willing to wait, worth the pain, and will be there for me. Sometimes I even ask myself, why would God want someone as sinful as I am to be happy? Do I pray every night? Or rosary every Wednesday, at least? Go to church? Am I a good person? I find most of my answers here no--I'm not a good person-- Not evil, though, but a bad one. 

Why would God want someone like me to be his child? Why? With all the things that I have, People always think that it's perfect. But, if you are in my shoes... you will understand why suicide plans are always an occurrence, why a teardrop falls from eye-to eye.

It's not an easy life. I bet everyone would shout the same. It's not an easy life and yet, we still make things complicated. We love, we hate. 

love, now and always, 

No Pressure.

How many times have I told myself that I'm not gonna hope, expect and wish anything to him...
How many times have he had me heart broken?
How many times have he left me in this endless space that no boundaries restricts the pain?

how many times...
I've borrowed a hundred hands to help me count through the fingers of their hands...
but still none would measure the pain.

This post is emotic. yes. undeniably. it is.

This post shows again how deep my love for him...
I waited 5 longs years. Why not wait more?

Why wait more?

I'm starting to run out of reasons in waiting...
my hands, don't grip hard anymore, it let loose, it lets go...

Why wait more?
This is the last. and if this don't work, I'll just let it GO.

how many times have I said that? How many times have I been true that I'm letting him go?

how many?


I've lost count.

love, now and always,