Welcome to my new home...

Hi!
Obviously, this is my new blog.
and hopefully, I will find time to post here. Often.

love, now and always,

Idk

Finally, a blog entry after getting too busy with relationships. So what’s this post all about? Nothing just a rant on how piss I am and how I hate him. Yeah, he told me he loves me and there he is doing something else first, over me. I hate him, I really do. My head’s lava hot beyond water’s boiling level already.

I just can’t figure it out… or is it me being childish again. Being immature. I don’t think so… no one devotes his time in the wee hours of the evening for something else.

Now the question is… would it be better off with someone or would it be better off with the self?

I tried the benefits of singlehood already.

I also tried keeping a somewhat-a long 2 yrs-relationship.

And what’s more to try now?

I don’t know. I’m pissed.

And maybe if your the guy/girl wanting someone to love you. Maybe you should give back love. Someone deserves someone. You cannot just wish of a perfect guy for you. You should be as well the perfect girl for him. When you want love, give it. Don’t just get all of it. If someone gives time, give it back.

Okey, I know it’s not right expecting something in return. But, you know, it’s all about thinking of someone else more than the self. If you want a long and lasting relationship, maybe you should work with him/her. She/he can’t sustain it all alone believe me.

One day he’ll/she’ll be tired and gone. You’ll just ask yourself what happened. You can’t find an answer why it ended. You can’t move on, your stuck up thinking what went wrong… you don’t know why. And you’ll think maybe she/he already found someone else, or maybe that someone just don’t love you anymore…

you won’t find clear answers. You’ll have sleepless nights… thinking. Wondering what’s lost that cannot be found. You’ll be crying tears, full or regrets… don’t feel sad about it. Life is even, your pain’s  for all the times someone cried, waited, didn’t sleep just because of you.

So are you still lost??? if still lost…

Just ask him/her maybe she’ll just tell you… you were too busy with something else that you didn’t realize I became too tired loving you and that all wanted now is to love myself—the love I gave you that you don’t deserve and that you wasn’t able to give me back.

And I bet, you’ll stop thinking, coz now it’s you that’s busted.

love, now and always, 

Portia Nelson

I walk down the street.
There is a hole.
I don’t see it.
I fall in.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes a very long time to get out.


I walk down the same street.
There is still a deep hole.
I pretend not to see it.
I fall in.
I pretend it’s still not my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.


I walk down the same street.
There is still the same deep hole.
I see it.
I fall in anyway.
It’s a habit.
I get out quicker this time.


I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole.
I see it.
I walk around it.
I don’t fall in.


I walk down a different street.



love, now and always, 

The Ouch Like No Other...

After 20 days of our break up, I saw you having the most beautiful smile of your life and it's not because of me now. You have a new girl, a new love, a new reason of living. 

And I... I don't cry anymore. I don't smile either. Nor I feel sadness. I don't feel pain. I am pain.

What's the sense of this now? nothing. This doesn't make sense to you anymore. If this was written months ago... this might have been the sweetest goodbye you'll consider having. But this isn't important at all anymore. 

When I'm sad, I think of all of the times we shared. I still remember it completely... the way you breathe through your headphones, how you look through the computer's screen and your typing mannerism was all unforgettable. Then I realize how computer based our relationship were. This online-love-affair, I should say, is better that it ended this way. No touch, no kisses, nothing real. It's virtual.

I used to analyze this past weeks if what we had was love... Is it? Or maybe it's just out of boredom. Maybe you needed someone to waste some of your extra time with. And maybe I am lucky enough to waste my time also with you. Who wouldn't fall in love with someone that's always ready to listen, to talk, who's always there? Who? Even cats might fall in love with a dog who always gives a fish bone. But is it really love? Or is it security? Maybe it's the security of the cat to have that fish bone everyday from that dog that the cat can't let go. The cat feels contented that it focused on the fish bone and didn't think that there are shark bones, whale bones and other types fish bones bigger and better than what the cat have. It's like me contented of having you. I feel safe with you. I'm secure that's why I ignored... no ignored wasn't an enough word... I blocked all choices coming when we are still together. I didn't realize the reality other men might have give.

For almost 3 months, I focused on you. Because I'm happy and secure with you. I thought with you everything is enough. And YES, it was enough for me until our last day. It was exactly what I wanted. 

But with moments of thinking, I realized that I settled to much on just what I have. I didn't strive for more. I remembered someone telling me that In life we have choices. We don't just grab it. Because we choose settle with what is there. We are too afraid to look for something better. For when we fail on better things, the failure is a lot bigger. And maybe that's what I did with you... An online love wouldn't hurt as much as a real life love. It's cut will virtually bleed. Virtual not actual. 

As I let of you, I let go the virtual part of me. Yes. I let me go. I let the imaginary flow out of my system. I wouldn't need that anymore. I used to say that I can love someone I haven't met just as I haven't met God but I love him... Then, I realized you are not God nor anyone of us. So I couldn't. I could never love an idea... As the cliche says, "It's only in the mind." I could like an idea... but love is a too strong term to feel. Or maybe it's just wanting. Loving is never WANTING. 

As I close the virtual book of our fairy tale, I bid goodbye to you and the imaginary world we created together.  I'm ready to face the real world for I tasted the heavens and hells of the imaginary. I got the best of it and the worst. And now it's about time to get the best of what the REAL LIFE's chances and choices have.

Beatitudes says that blessed are the broken hearts for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Some says broken hearts move on... but mine? It didn't move on... it moved out. 

love, now and always, 

Giving Up... It's always better to "give" than to receive!!!

Just because something feels good and seems good.

It doesn't mean we should pursue it right now and continue clinging to it....

Let's bear in mind that right things that comes at the wrong time IS STILL A WRONG THING.

No matter how crazy, funny and lovely the scenes around us, 

"it is always useless without the people you want to laugh, be crazy and fall in love with."

There's no right formula for Happiness...

Is it being FREE?

Maybe it's being true to yourself..

In reality though...its sad to say that sometimes we have to pretend just to make others happy...

And worst if...

It kills our own happiness. 

We have to be with people who treats us right and accepts us for who we really are...

and we SHOULD forget those who won't or can't...

Truth is the ultimate prize that not even friendship or love can pay.

It hurts to give up...

Especially our feelings for that one special-important person...

But sometime we have to give up because of pain...

It hurts to admit to ourselves...

That the one we are giving up...

Is the same person that can make us happy...

Is it better to enjoy life committing mistake and learn???

Rather than playing safe your entire life and learned nothing at all???

How come...

It's easy to say goodbye...

And yet, too hard to forget. 

Why? 

Is it because love is more than words can say.

More than the heart can feel?

or even more than the mind can imagine?

When we fall in love, we can't help but fall over and over again...

So even if the last goodbyes have been said.... 

There's something in the heart that says, 

"please stay" 

Why? 

Is it because its LOVE?

and the reason is for it is never KNOWN?

Beyond pain and heartaches...

will Love still will retain its pride, its sweetness, its MYSTERY?

Is it waiting? 

TRUE PATIENCE?

Is it the ABILITY TO WAIT FOR A VERY LONG PERIOD OF TIME?

or our ATTITUDE ON THE TIME OF WAITING?

But MAYBE we can summarize it in two words...

"GIVING UP..."

love, now and always, 

Sleeping: Better and Faster

All my life, I have trouble in sleeping. It's not insomniac, though - I just think a lot. I’ll lie in bed thinking about what I want to do tomorrow or what I should have done today or how much I love eating cold pizza or how absurdly messy my desk is…. do you get the idea? 

When I say I have trouble going to sleep, I’m not talking 20 or 30 minutes but 2 or 3 hours. Because what will happen is after about 45
minutes to an hour of trying to go to sleep, I start thinking about how I’m not asleep but I should be and that starts the cycle.

Now, I may be a bit of an extreme case here. But, I know, for a fact, that there are people out there who got the same problem as mine. So, I’ve pieced together various bits of advice, I’ve received over the past few months that have not only helps me get to sleep faster, but helps me get a better sleep nights.

1. Don’t watch TV or even look so much at a computer screen at least 30 minutes before you lying down. The light from both a television as well as a computer monitor mimic the same intensity of light as sunlight. This fools your body and brain into thinking it’s nowhere near time for sleep.
2. Drink milk. Milk has an amino acid in it called Tryptophanthat increase the levels of serotonin and/or melatonin in the brain which slow down brain activity. It’s science folks.
3. Go to bed when you are tired. Different strokes for different folks here. Just because your wife goes to bed at 9PM doesn’t mean you are ready. You might only require seven and half hours of sleep while she might require ten. If you aren’t tired, do something low-key until you are, like read a book, play solitaire (NOT on your computer), or play with some legos.
4. Reserve the bed for bed things(ex. sleeping and resting). I, for one, don’t strictly follow this rule as I’ll read some before I go to sleep, but for some people this is a must.
5. Meditate. No, don’t cross your legs and hum, but focus on relaxing…if that makes sense. Take deep, long breaths. Tense each muscle one at a time from head to toe. Focusing on doing this takes your mind off of other things and you’ll be in lala land in no time.
6. Exercise during the day. I emphasize during the day. Excercising at night just gets everything going instead of shutting down for sleep. But excercising during the day tires the muscles out and makes for a solid nights sleep.

love, now and always, 

Noddle Madness

I never talked about you in the past, though I know in the future you’ll be by my side. You kept the cold breeze of December warm and filled every summer heat, hotter. You drown me with every single sip. You load my heart with gladness, I always want to keep. You never fail to turn my sorrow into joy. You the noodle I always want and need even more.

Yeah. Noodles. Sounds like what? Some kind of TOE(term of endearment)? Huh! Nope. Literally, it means a thin strip of unleavened dough that has been rolled, dried and cooked in boiling water… I love eating noodles. It’s actually the only food (well, I call it a food) that I can eat repetitively. For the love of noodles, let me share you guys the different types of noodles enjoyed, ate and yet to be tasted!

Noodle madness… bowls and chopsticks ready?

Beef noodle soup. Noodles in beef soup, sometimes with a chunk of stewed beef.

Ban mian. Hokkien-style egg flat shape noodle soup.

 

Over the Bridge Noodles. A noodle that is served as a bowl of chicken stock with uncooked rice noodles, meat, raw eggs, and vegetables and flowers on the side that get added and cooked when one is ready to eat. Stock stays warm because of a layer of oil on top of the bowl.

Saimin. Soft wheat egg noodles in dashi broth. Toppings include baby bok choy, nori seaweed, fish cakes, Chinese roast pork, Portuguese sausage or SPAM.

Traditional Japanese noodles. Soup is served in a hot soy-dashi broth and garnished with chopped scallions. Popular toppings include tempura, tempura batter deep fried tofu.

Soba. Noodles with thin brown buckwheat noodles.

Udon. A thick wheat noodle served with various toppings, usually in a hot soy-dashi broth, or in a Japanese curry soup. A wheat noodles, served in a meat or chicken broth.

Ramen. A thin light yellow noodle served in hot chicken or pork broth, flavoured with soy or miso, with various toppings such as slices of pork, pickled bamboo shoots, seaweed, or boiled egg.

Champon. Yellow noodles of medium thickness served with a great variety of seafood and vegetable toppings in a hot chicken broth which originated in

Okinawa soba. A thick wheat-flour noodle served in Okinawa, often served in a hot broth with steamed pork, fish cake slice, pickled ginger and koregusu. Akin to a cross between udon and ramen.

Janchi guksu. Noodles in a light seaweed broth, served with fresh condiments (usually kimchi, thinly sliced egg, green onions, and cucumbers)

 

Jjamppong. Spicy noodle soup of Chinese origin

 

Kalguksu. Hand-cut wheat noodles served in a seafood broth

Makguksu. Buckwheat noodles with chilled broth

Naengmyeon. Stretchy buckwheat noodles in cold beef broth, with onions, julienned cucumber, boiled egg sliced in half, and slices of pears.

Ramyeon. Served in food stalls, made of instant noodles with toppings added by stalls. It is typically spicy with chilli and kimchi added, amongst other ingredients.

 

Soto ayam. Spicy chicken soup with rice vermicelli. Served with hard-boiled eggs, slices of fried potatoes, celery leaves, and fried shallots. Sometimes, slices of Lontong (compressed rice roll) or "poya", a powder of mixed fried garlic with shrimp crackers or bitter Sambal (orange colored) are added.

 

Hae mee or "prawn noodles". Egg noodles served in richly flavored dark soup stock with prawns, pork slices, fish cake slices and bean sprouts topped with fried shallots and spring onion. The stock is made using dried shrimps, plucked heads of prawns, white pepper, garlic and other spices. Traditionally, small cubes of fried pork fat are added to the soup, but this is now less common due to health concerns.

 

Curry laksa. Rice noodles in a coconut curry soup. Topped with prawns or chicken, cockles, bean sprouts, tofu puffs and sliced fish cakes. Boiled egg may be added. Served with a dollop of sambal chilli paste and Vietnamese coriander.

Assam laksa. Rice noodles in a sour fish soup. Various toppings including shredded fish, cucumber, raw onion, pineapple, chilli and mint. There are regional variations throughout Malaysia.

Mohinga. Essentially rice noodles in a rich, spicy fish soup. Typical ingredients include fish or prawn sauce, salted fish, lemon grass, tender banana stems, ginger, garlic, pepper, onion, turmeric powder, rice flour, chickpea flour, chilli and cooking oil.

 

Oun no hkauk swè. Wheat noodles in a chicken and coconut broth . Garnished for added flavour with finely sliced shallots , crispy fried rice cracker, fish sauce , roasted chilli powder and a squeeze of lemon or lime.

 

Kya zan hinga. Glass noodles in a chicken consommé with mushrooms, bean curd skin, lily stems , shrimp, garlic , pepper and sometimes fish balls. For the addition of texture and flavour it can be garnished with coriander, sliced shallots , fish sauce , chilli powder and a squeeze of lime.

La Paz Batchoy. A noodle soup from Iloilo garnished with pork innards, crushed pork cracklings, chopped vegetables, and topped with a raw egg.

 

Mami. A noodle s oup similar to the Chinese variety, with either a beef, pork, chicken, or wanton garnish and topped with chives. Usually thin egg noodles are used, but there are versions using flat rice noodles (ho fan). Introduced in the Philippines by Ma Mon Luk.

 

Thai noodle soups. The noodles are served in chicken stock, often topped with meat or fish balls and coriander leaves. The diner then adjusts the flavour by themselves using sugar, nam pla (fish sauce), dried chilli and chilli in vinegar provided at the table.

 

Ba mii naam. Egg wheat noodles in soup, often with minced pork.

 

Khao soi. Tice or wheat noodles in soup; a northern Thai dish

 

Kuitiaw naam. Rice noodles in soup

 

Gaeng Jued Wunsen. Glass noodles in soup

Phở. White rice noodles in clear beef broth with thin cuts of beef, garnished with ingredients such as green onions, white onions, coriander leaves, ngo gai ("saw leaf herb"), and mint. Basil, lemon or lime, bean sprouts, and chilli peppers are usually provided on a separate plate, which allows customers to adjust the soup's flavor as they like. Some sauces such as hoisin sauce and fish sauce are also sometimes added.

 

Miến. Thin glass noodle made from powdered dzong (canna) leaves. It can be cooked with chicken and bamboo shoots (mien ga), eel (mien luon), or crab (mien cua).

 

Bun.Thin rice noodles that are used in many of the most popular noodle dishes in Vietnam. If the bun thread is thicker than the diameter of a chopstick, it should be called banh canh.

 

Bún bò Huế. Rice vermicelli with beef, lemon grass, and other ingredients

Bún riêu. Medium-thickness rice noodles with crab

 

Banh canh. A round, thick noodle, similar to Japanese Udon. However, it could be made of rice or tapioca starch. Banh canh ca is famous for its fish-based thread.

Mì. A wheat noodle and could be either white or yellow. It could be thick and short as in the case of Mi quang or thin and long such as Mi xa xiu

Hu tieu. Thin rice noodle.

love, now and always,