The Turning Point

Everyone reaches that turning point. It’s the steep bridge that you have to cross because you don’t have another way out. The decision making. The “letting go” part. The “I need to move on” side. The “THIS IS IT”. 

Tonight, it’s all about that. But let me tell you about this guy first. Because one day he will read this and he will realize that “I’m the one that got away”. 

What’s he like? Well, he’s the type of guy that when you pass him on the street, you wouldn’t even mind a second look. He’s ordinary. Solid. Liquid. Gas. Not water, not salt. Never H20, never NaCl. PLAIN. 

So what is it about him now that gave me rollercoaster of emotions? Like Butterflies, fireworks, stars. What’s on him that gave me the closest thing one can feel to magic? Honestly, I REALLY don’t know. I think that FREAKS you out RIGHT NOW.... But that's how it is. 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT HIM BUT I LIKE HIM.

Sounds like a teenage dream thing but I like his smile, the sound of his voice, when he calls me Miel, when he laughs, how he smells, when he holds my hand, I love how he talks, how he thinks… How he isn’t sure about himself that he’s worth it…. I love how he’s got no idea how great he is. I love how he puts others first than himself. Everything and Anything... I love it.

I can give you 20 more paragraphs of "I love this and that" about this guy... and it will sound so redundant because I know I will keep on repeating the same things.  But what can you do? Those are the things that I like about him. Those are the things that right now defines what I feel. That's what I know love is right now.

IT hurts. Definitely. Devastatingly. But  in hurting, I realized that when we love, we need not to be with the person. We don’t have to OWN them. We can love secretly. Stalk secretly. And I decided that I will hold myself from moving on SECRETLY. 

I mean I have to cross the brigde but I can go back in the wee hours of the night… close my eyes… think about him… say a prayer. I magine things what could have been. Dream and wish of another chance with him... Still tell him that I love him in silence. Whisper to God that I love him and ask God to always take care of him and continue making him happy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the whole world need not to know if I still love him or I moved on. GETS???? 

waiting for my star to fall,  
 Mia