What about marrying on 25? That is 2 more years from now... Or not.
Oh my I’m growing old!
oOooOooOo
Hair: pony tailed.
Skirt: checkered, length—above the knee [a sister’s act]
Bag: pink, rolling.
Accessories: 1 piece of gold 18k heart earring, lost the other one that day.
Height: about 4 litters of coke put on top of each other
Likes: stuff toys, Barbie, Polly Pockets
Hates: when parents leave or the distance of the school gate to classroom [its like two to three blocks away]
I was an early bird ever since I was a kid. The distance of my house to the school is about 5-8 minutes away when riding a car, tricycle or jeep. I never experienced walking miles just to attend school, yes I’m lucky.
Every single school day, I woke up 5:30 in the morning, with no help from any alarm clock. But thanks to “Alas Singko Y Media Na’s jingle” for waking me up.
Talk about early. In my early life, I always think about the future—most of the time when I’m traveling or walking. I used to think ten years in advance…. Away from the present… only to find out that later on I would have more flashbacks of ten years ago.
Walking on my way to class, I’ve been thinking about how it would feel like working… how easy it would be after school. And, now I realized things are lot easier before.
Now, everything is a routine. Work-home-work and sometimes with a twist gimmick but all’s predictable.
Who would’ve thought that after studying for more than 15 years, I would want to study again? I’ve been missing home works, periodical tests, lectures, terror teachers, mean girls and everything about school.
I’m 22 years old, turning 23 on the 23rd of June this year. Whew. So in two year, I’m going to get married. And more likely it won’t happen. But retiring on 35, dying on 50 could be possible, that’s if I’m not married and don’t have kids… so should I think about adoption now? Forget it… I think too future much.
I believed there are only two genders, male and female. The gays are females and the lesbos are males. For me, genders are placed in the hearts, not in the body.
When we love, it’s the heart that beats. When we think, most often it’s the heart that thinks. When we dance, it’s the love of the heart for dancing that dances.
There are only two genders for me… But tonight’s the first time I wished that God didn’t create gay people.
Gays hates discrimination and for the first time in my life I was discriminated by a group of gays. Saying, “You’re a girl, you don’t belong.”
In a world of two genders….Why can gays be girls and girls can’t be gays? Why gays can belong in a girl’s word and girls can’t belong in a gay’s world? Why?
There’s a thin line between being a gay and a girl…. But we all feel the same. We love boys the same. We dress and act the same. Our hormones, cells, shoulders might slightly be different but our hearts beat the same.
And for the first time in my life, I wished that God didn’t create gay. So that the thin line between us would just disappear, all the same, all equal, all loving and where everyone is gay.
Ten years ago… piles of holiday school tasks was on my study desk. Cramming, for Monday was its deadline.
- make new years’ resolution. Check. - Math problem solving projects. Check. - English Writing composition. Pending. What is it about: “Who will I be ten years from now?”
If I can see the future then…
I would have written, “I’m probably sitting. Typing my very 1st blog this year rather than… “I already graduated in college. I have a stable writing job. I’m able to support myself and repay the kindness of my parents.”
I would have written, “It’s the 1st day of work. I’m really sleepy. The holiday vibe still lingers in me. As if I never worked at all.”
I would have written, “Here I am writing my new years’ resolution… thinking, wond‘ring, praying that this time it will be resolved.”
I would have written, “Here I am developing CD-ROM activities for kids like me.”
I would have written, “Here I am… looking back at my life what I was doing the same time 10 years ago…”
2009 was a very fulfilling yet sad year.
The 1st quarter was full of job hunting. On the 5th month, I was accepted to my very 1st office job(take note this isn’t freelance baby!) The 5th month went easy. I love my job. My bosses are nice. I found new friendships in this company. The 6th month was the lowest point of my year. My grandmother died. No one expected it—a cardiac arrest. The 7th month was hard… dealing with pain and great lost. Adjusting. Work is light and easy. I love what I’m doing minus the online products sorting(me hates it). The 8th month… sad month… my partner in work left. I was transferred to another department. 9th-10th I couldn’t remember anything remarkable at all…. Wait there's Rocky and Jamie’s 1st date. 11th month… family gathering at the cemetery…. Halloween. 12th month- after so many years, Papa celebrated his birthday again. Then… Christmas… Then New year.
How come when I try to remember things about the previous year… there’s only two things I remember clearly… I got accepted in my very first office job and my grand mother died in this year.
Should it always be the happiest and the saddest? Should it always be like that? How about the other memoirs? How about when I smiled and felt Christmas is here again?
I would have written, “I’m probably jotting down the achievement of my previous year”
I would have written…
“Christmas and New Year was way different now than the previous years…. Ever since my grand mother died it was way different.
There’s sago, there’s gulaman. We have pastries and pasta. Lechon was on its way. The traditional menu of menudo and kaldereta is all set in the table. And for the 1st time in my life, we don’t have UBE for our Christmas Eve and New Years Eve.
Symbolizing something was lost and missing.
How does one make ube? I don’t know the matrix. Maybe it was made of gabi? I have no idea. I never made one.
The only story I know behind it was… when one cooks it, she should stir it every now and then… making the arms, hands and shoulder ache of endless stirring. I also know that it is very soft when it’s hot and as it cools it hardens. And, oh, it’s also topped with cheese.
My grand mother cooks it for us. Every year she cooks it the morning before Christmas Eve. To ensure its freshness… that can last until new years’ eve.
It may not be the star of our Noche Buena or Media Noche but not having it this year makes me realize it’s not the ube that’s missing… but the one that makes the ube for us.”
A year ago, the grand mother, the 1st daughter and the 1st grand daughter went to Singapore and spent their summer vacation there.
Basically, to bond. All three didn’t know each other.
What was one like to live with the other in one roof?
In a place only the three knows each other.
They lived there for more than 100 days.
Think 100 days is not enough to know one?
Think 100 days won’t unclothe the layers of the heart?
Think it wouldn’t burn an everlasting love?
Think twice…. It would.
Think again.
It will go beyond.
~o~
It’s cold.
I gazed at the trees nearby
Only to find out that none was moving.
Could it be you?
I know I was at fault.
But don’t ever think that I was too busy to remember you.
“Siguro nagtatampo ka na naman sakin! Pero di ba sinabi ko naman sayo na simula nung umalis ka na… nahihirapan na kong umuwi ulit sa Bulacan? Nasasaktan ako… ayokong makita yung bahay na walang tao… na wala ka.”
I’m sorry.
But is it you?
Is it your arms embracing me?
Is it you telling me to slow down?
Are you telling me to go back to school?
Are you asking me to return the lit books I borrowed from you?
* Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
* Live with the 3 E's: Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.
* Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and those under the age of 6.
* Dream more while you are awake.
* Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.
* Try to make at least 3 people smile each day.
* Clear clutter from your house, car and desk... and let new energy flow into your life.
* Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts, or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the present positive moment.
* Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum, but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime. -
* Life isn't fair, but it's still good and wonderful.
* Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
* Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
* You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
* Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
* Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
* Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
* No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
* Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
* What other people think of you is none of your business.
* Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
* However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
* Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.
* Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
* Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
* No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up. Make a good appearance.
* Do the right thing.
* Call your mother and father often.
* Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
* Enjoy the ride. It's been worthwhile.. (no regrets!)
My late great grand mother has a hearing impairment. I’m not sure which ear was impaired. But I’m sure that to be able to hear us she depends on a hearing aid, brown, small. When I was a kid, I thought it was a gadget. Thought it was some cool thing. But as I grow up, I discovered that it isn’t….
Inang, that’s how I call her, needs it way more that she needs forks and spoons in eating. There were times that when someone speaks too much… it echoes so loud like an alarm, like a siren. And that sounds pains the ear of Inang. I know.
I witnessed how she felt during those moments. I don’t want to experience that.
To escape myself from having the same fate, what I do is take care of my ears… Cover it when a thing bangs, tone down volumes… less the decibels, more to ears life.
But today I want to take a break from hearing. As I turn the highest level, these phones can have, a reason goes behind it.
I’m tired. I’m so so tired.
I don’t want to hear your voice. I don’t want to hear you screaming. Think that when moments of silence like these come I just wanted to hear another thing. Perhaps, I wanted to hear your heart. Realize that now what I want to hear is what it truly beat, what it truly feels and not the lies that it shouts...
Facts about L.O.V.E :)) <3 (from someone else's blog)
1. A man won't let go if he really loves you.
Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.
2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.
There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you. Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.
3. Do not get hang up on your past.
Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare. He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn't guard him enough or you didn't make him happy enough.
4. Do not look into images.
How many times have you met a girl who didn't have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Do not fear men just because your "supposedly" perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.
5. Always have your own set of rules.
Set your limits on how far you'd go for a guy. It's perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it's worth it. And it's worth it if the guy is treating you right.
6. Do not be scared to lose him.
Don't be scared that he'll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.
7. Avoid calling your guy.
It's a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it's the guy who's calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More so, he will get annoyed. But it's a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).
8. There is a guy who will value you.
There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don't lose hope. Don't settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can
Also, do not believe him when he says it's just the way he really is. He's not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.
9. Always be the only one, no matter what.
Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife, girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can't get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can't leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.
10. He must respect you.
No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.
11. If he fooled you, end it.
Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.
12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.
Do not steal another girl's man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.
13. Do not force yourself into a relationship.
Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn't come yet. Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc.. If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.
14. Do not settle.
If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be. Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.
15. A relationship has to have love.
Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me, keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.
16. Don't be afraid to be single.
It's fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.
17. Be a good girl.
Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person (of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years). If you compare your flings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.
18. Love without limits.
Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn't give your all, you get hurt for nothing.
19. You will get over him.
Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.
20. Be the one.
Act like you are the one. Don't be a nagger. Don't hinder his gimmicks. Don't give in to him too easily. Make him treat you as important. Don't be easy. Don't be like every other girl he had in his life.
I believe I will die early. Prolly, in my mid 40s or early 50s. Before any member of our family. My parents would grieve about my death, this will be mother's greatest heartache. My brothers will treat this as a wake up call that life is too short. Father is as strong as usual but with the greatest pain of them all.
I know it will be a painful death. Only I. But my physical death wouldn't be felt by anyone else but me... I won't be able to breathe. I would feel every single pain. All the pasts pains will come back. I wouldn't scream. There won't be any marks of blood. I will cry. Then my heart will just suddenly stop beating.
No one will know the exact time of my death or how I died, for everyone was at rest. I will die between midnight and sunrise. I will die in the time where you have crossed the boundaries of reality, where you have reached the place of dreams and of fantasies.
When the sun shines, you will see my dead body-hard. You will hold me,cold. Feel my heart beat. none. call an ambulance. no. you will cry. I'm dead.
Produced By: RBERS PRODUCTION (Ragnaboard’ers Production)
Casts:
Karen Gamilla as Ella
Toru Takahashi as Mark
Raysoul as Carlo
Joshua Tsuchiya as Edward
Rockstar as Manong
Gladz as Angel
Kween as Kat
Release Date:
October 26, 2009 (Philippines)
Genre:
Comedy | Fantasy | Romance | Action
Tagline:
Miles apart with the greatest feeling of togetherness, United we Play!
Plot:
R.O.L.S. centers around the life of Ella (Karen Gamilla) and how her life changed when her boyfriend Mark (Toru Takahashi) went to the city to study. Ella is afraid of having this long distance relationship but Mark told her that this is all for their future and guaranteed her that they’ll still have Quality Time in Ragnarok, the MMORPG they both play.
When Mark left their province a lot of guys suddenly took his spotlight. Will Ella allow these guys to totally get Marks’ spot in her heart?
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Our official entry to LU Live 2009 Filmfest happening on Nov 7 and 8. Please come onLU Live to watch it in the big screen!!! Support us guys. ROK ON!!!
